Wonderbra + La Senza.

A topic close to my heart... or rather breasts, but they're fairly close to my heart anyway biologically speaking. Wonderbra has become famous among women for its claims that their bras can make the most of your assets and the effects are worth every penny. Yes and no.

I have owned two Wonderbras in my lifetime and, of course, both were massively reduced from the original selling price. One was a "balconette" style and the other, my latest edition, would be considered a "plunge." I will not lie to you, Wonderbra has produced probably the most uncomfortable bras I have ever worn, falling short of La Senza who are notorious for their love of stupidly elaborate lace designs, and I personally vow that in the new year my first resolution is never to buy another Wonderbra again.

The second Wonderbra, the plunge, was a size 30E. I assure you that size sounds a lot larger than it actually is. I am very comfortable in 30-back bras, more than comfortable in fact, however the latest edition of Wonderbra had me wondering. For starts, it hurt like hell to get the damn thing on. Then when I got the demonic contraption on, it introduced me to its hoard of ever-so-delightful surprises.

Wonderbra claim they make the most of your cleavage. They do this by forcing your breasts as outward and upward as they can without physically removing them from your body. I found that when I wore this bra for five minutes, the following happened: my back was forced into a stupidly straight poker-up-your-arse posture and my breasts looked like robo-rocket launchers (nipples facing the sky), along with this my upper back felt like I was either being forcefully tightened into a greatly uncomfortable corset or like 2-inch elves were repeatedly kicking me until I "pushed" my assets out and my spine resembled that of a very lopsided S. Along with the rocket-launcher tits and the demonic little elves, every shift in posture I made was greatly uncomfortable. This is where I deter back to the corset analogy... as well as the demonic little elves deciding to raise some havoc.

Wonderbra's usual retail price is £20-30 average per bra. I had gotten this particular bra at 50p in the Clearance section of TK Maxx and I'm not entirely sure it was even worth that if I really thought about just how much of a hindrance this bra was rather than a godsend. I suppose the moral of the story is that it's unnatural to expect rocket launcher breasts and they usually come at a price... that or I have incredibly sensitive skin. Either way I thought I'd warn you all about the problems which may arise with a Wonderbra purchase. Spend your money wisely, I wish I had.

La Senza is another one of those finnicky lingerie brands which I genuinely detest. They have an unnatural fixation with lace in rather inappropriate regions of the bra. These include: under the armpits, around the breast tissue, on the shoulder straps and on the back strap. This attention to detail becomes a massive mistake on their behalf when the lace isn't even classy; it's tacky and insufferable, and causes a great deal of itching in areas one would be too shy to scratch when in public.

I wish La Senza would realise that we're not all cheap strippers who are hoping to find cheap (overpriced) underwear which will fit our stripper needs. There is no actual need for excessive amounts of unbearably itchy lace and I personally find that my breasts, shoulders and back flare up after an hour from wearing one of their bras. I mean, come on La Senza, surely with all your millions you've earnt from selling lingerie you'd be able to afford decent lace which doesn't cause skin to react like it's been attacked by red ants? Alternately, you could always just ditch the lace altogether as I'm sincerely certain that no one will really miss it that much if the lace details were limited to being on the cups themselves rather than disrupting delicate areas... well, except for the ones who have a fetish for itchiness, but then I would find that a case to be genuinely worrying. How would they get their fix? Rub themselves up against stray cats in the vain hope they might catch the fleas??

My friend has decided that for Christmas, she will give me gift vouchers for La Senza... I'm certain that's going to go down a treat! Maybe I can collect the vouchers and actually DIY my own bra which won't have even half the problems which La Senza products bring?? It's worth finding out.

<('.'<) <( '.' )> (>'.')> Kirby dance!

Introduction

Like all twenty-first century women (and men), I find personal victories every time I see something which is "right for me" (as the very clichéd saying goes) and feel like I've just inhaled a rainbow. The world is suddenly filled with the sense of joy and wonder which somehow hadn't existed merely ten seconds ago and nothing could get better.

That is, of course, until you find out that your dream purchase is somewhat faulty in your perfect little ideal. For example, I had been in TK Maxx only recently and discordered a Wonderbra which had been reduced to merely 50p. You read that right, it was a 50p Wonderbra lucking in the Clearance section. I honestly had no idea why it hadn't disappeared long before I swiped it up. Then I found out why. I'll fully explain the story when I get to my entry about the "ups" and pitfalls of Wonderbra (or any bra manufacturer in general).

Ohhh yes, that's right reader. You're going to read a blog which consists of me reviewing (I mean "bitching about") products and all other tangible examples of modern day capitalism. Money can only get you so far.

<('.'<) <( '.' )> (>'.')> Kirby dance!